i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
