she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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