I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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