The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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