I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
