I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
