i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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