Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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