Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
