Can i not drive my cunt home
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
