I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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