There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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