6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
