apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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