And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
