Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
