I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
