If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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