My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
