Soap is not a condiment
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
