I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
