i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
