Small penises have feelings too.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize