I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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