I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
accomplished twins. life is a go
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
