and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
