My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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