If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
