She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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