I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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