i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
