Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
