i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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