hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
