There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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