When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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