they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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