If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
