Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
