I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
