Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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