He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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