Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
