She is in my trunk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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