Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
