she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
