We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He felt like a one man threesome
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
