you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
