we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
