so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
