Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
did i walk over a car last night?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
