And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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