Do you still have your period?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
