I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
